To have a demanding partner is not easy. Siberian silences. Spite and fights. Throwing barbs of criticism back and forth, which can escalate to the point of slinging dishes. Once upon a time those fights ended with a passionate tussle in bed and physical release. Disagreements turned into steam and floated away, leaving only two sweaty, sated bodies dreamily staring at the ceiling in the afterglow. Now you follow too closely all the details of your lover. Your lover worries too much about you. What a mess! You both are so out of balance that you do not know who’s who anymore.

No wonder you cannot relax! There is electricity in the air. The continuous fights arise because your partner misses sexual intimacy, where you come together to have real contact. So — make love, not war. You are a fantastic sex machine that can generate sublime satisfaction. Why, then, be obstinate about the stupid details? Who cares if she is five minutes late, or that he has dirty shoes?

Start again: take your partner in your arms. Pour each other a fresh drink and remember how you can give each other joy through sex. Grasp your partner by the ass. Bring your battles to bed for resolution. When you are making love, tell your companion how you feel, using naughty words. Let out what is inside you; this can be the solution to your problems, as long as you make a pact to tell everything.

In any case, living with a tyrant is good training. The contrast between the two of you foments revolution in the daily routine.

“L’Amore é bello se é un po litigherello”
(“Love is beautiful with a little bit of sparring.”)

More importantly, your resentment and anger are flashing arrows pointing out the escape route from the prison where your ego has you captive. They are clues to your stuck places. Bust out! Reclaim your self-worth. When you see yourself as lovable, the brickbats hurled at you will sail right by like clouds across a landscape.

ADVICE: If you must get angry, let it all out — without passing the red line. Do not tell half-truths, but be respectful. Start your sentences with “I” instead of “you”. Armed with truth, the two of you will be able to move forward, either separately or together.

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